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Today’s forecast from WHOA

Hell: Predicted afternoon temperature; 174 degrees (78.9 Celsius). Eighty percent chance downpour of fiery hail turning into deluge of smoldering brimstone by evening. Charred hotdogs and boiling coffee available (occasionally) at the concession stand. Hotdogs are $278.95, coffee $189.25. Combo $650.00. Plus 70 percent gratuity. Sorry, no condiments. Yes, it is hell.

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